the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
