oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
