Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My balls are so social today.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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