Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
