Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
