even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
