This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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