grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
