I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
