Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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