Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
