still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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