his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
