You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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