I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
