Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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