just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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