hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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