This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
