Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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