I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
