I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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