A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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