Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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