I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
