I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize