you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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