i don't like sucking hair
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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