You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
