All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
