You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Terrible idea I love it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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