Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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