It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.