He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
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At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?