I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...