I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?