Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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