The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
