this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
