What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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