Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
