Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
