We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
is it fun? or sober?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
