I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
