Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
