come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
