I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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