I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
