R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
false alarm, still single
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