my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why do cheetos always look like penises
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
