she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
false alarm. still invincible.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
