one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
