Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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