Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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