hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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