i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
