four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
