he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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