you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
