I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
