Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
