Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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