That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
