i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
