why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
