Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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