Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
