Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
