her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
