So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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